I didn't really want to share this but I feel it could be helpful who is like me trying to raise children abroad or just generally raising a child and how hard it feels.
I have 2 and half years old son who is mixed race.
I would say best way for busy Indian Parents to retain their Indianism is following :
Before I start realize this that you are Indian and that is your identity. Your child wouldn’t be Indian per se.
Like in Movie Befikre girl calls herself French and parents as Indian.
That is biggest truth that your child is going to have other host country Identity and Indian Heritage. The truth is that no matter how we feel inside and how much we adapt “ We are seen as Indian “ because of our skin colour and that we can’t change.
However your child would be influenced by you and you can give positive influences and share your culture with them.
It is harder than ever to retain and at the same time as Millenials we do not feel we should be pushy like our parents.
It is hard not because we don’t know how to balance East or West influences. We ourselves are busy adapting and knowing new culture. I have reached a state where I can say that I know about my host culture well enough that my time isn’t going in reading and learning new things.
Firstly bigger question is how do you retain your own Indian identity ? Are you Proud of your own Indian-ism ? Also Is it important to you ? as I feel we go through love hate with our own ties. Unlike our previous generation we aren’t so much nationalist and more of globalist. This is where India is as well which I realized on my recent trip.
India is not a country not a chaos but an environment which you can’t replicate. There are pictures of god, faith and hope everywhere.
Indian Spirituality : This is our core and most important value which is missing in West. Make a small ritual which you can share with your child. We do not want our children to be smelling like our past generation parents mistake and made fun. It might be as simple as lighting diya and having god images. Shradha, faith, belief in Karma and Hope which one gets from God. Where Science and Religion can live together with fight. That is what India is. Go to Indian Temples if near you. Watch Philosophical youtube videos.
Indian Food : Enjoy all your Indian Foods as you used to and share with your children when you can. They would be also into other foods. Why Not ? Aren’t you as well. However make some point to make those Indian foods which you crave. Your child wouldn’t like it but you are still enjoying it and hopefully they would remember. When we are busy defrosting chips, pizzas and colas.
Indian Bad Habits : As cliche and as it sounds but West has got all good things and left all bad things in India. Your child wouldn’t know phenol smell like Indian Toilets have or how to use normal soap maybe ( shower gel ?) ,how to cross a road, live in crowded places, without electricity, water,internet,etc, he wouldn’t have same toilet habits as you. Remember all parents want to give better living to our child but I feel somewhere we want them to know and learn hardships of life which and appreciate good life.
Yoga, Meditation and Ayurveda : We ourselves don’t value this despite it is good thing in our life and people are promoting all this in West. Most times I come to know good things like Yoga, Meditation and Ayurveda from Western person who has decided to make it into courses or videos. Go to those places and if you are into it. Use those natural products.
Indian Movies and Songs : If you like to watch Indian Movies and Songs then watch them and if your child is interested. My son dances on Indian Song and he watches . Love of famous actors and actresses. Indian Sports especially Cricket.
Indian Language : This gets trickier as there is more Media in English even in India. There aren’t enough resource to teach your native language and everytime I go I buy books which my son sometimes refuse to even read. I still bring them keep them around and sometimes he picks up on his own. So speak your own language even when you feel alone or only person who speaks to your kids. If you have classes near to where you live. Please enroll as you also didn’t learn language from your parents you went to school and studied from someone.
Indian Values : Do your soul searching first and which Indian Values you like. Indian Values are flexibility, adaptability, sensitivity, warmth, helpfulness, community,deep thinkers, etc. Nobody can retain Diversity like Indians. Your sub culture is also important. Be the myth buster. There is lots of wrong saying about India and Indian-ism and you would be guru and source of information for your kid. Hota hain chalta hain attitude. Thoda 19/20. Things done in Indian Timing. Time pass.
Indian Festivals : Once again if you like to celebrate them. Celebrate it. If you like to celebrate festival of other countries and religion then do that too.
Indian News & Current Trends: My husband knows about India then I do. Keep yourself updated with Indian News and going ons but if you aren’t that kind of person who wants to know all then no worries. I do not go everyday to news section but here and there while dealing with Indians I come to know.
Indian Vacations : It is good to take them to cousins and to India but also retain your Indian Values by meeting and communicating to Indians in Western Country.
Your child knows what is best for them : Your child would pick up which would help them to be the best version of themselves. What I mean is that when I was 4 years old I told my mother I want to study in English Medium rather than My mother tongue medium school. That simple or might be only decision when I made helped me tremendously in my life.
Grow with your children : Again from Movie Befikre, Father says to Mother that “ Hum bacho ko bada nahin karte “ Bachein humein karte hain.
The truth is that we ourselves would have to be lot more Indian to give Indian values but truth is we no longer live as Vedas or how our Religion says. We all are little bit pick n mix , little bit “ I am not like my parents but….” and we have love for Global things.Don’t dishearten when they make Western or different culture choices and why shouldn’t they ? So real question is how does a Global Desi teach their children to be Global Desi too ? What would be the way to know that your child has been like you and yet be their own person.
Apple doesn’t fall far from their tree. Truth is You being You would help your child to be themselves. Truth is parenting can make us forget who you really are. They would be interested in other things as well. So every time they rebel they are asserting their own identity. What if not we are creating a wholesome independent individuals who are happy, care for their parents and love their heritage.
P. S: It is ok movie Befikre but has tremendous NRI Relation and parenting advice which I picked up.
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