Devika

For World Problems - My Views,My Opinions and My Solutions

10 Things to know before having children which nobody would tell.

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So a big Congratulations after the endless night of trying or rather easily you are super excited that you are going to have your first child. Perhaps you are little late damage is already done. I guess this is an article to read even before that. I am going to be brutally honest and I wish someone was to me. However just like people do not tell you truth of marriage nobody is really telling you how it is.

1. Babies and Children are cute as long as they are of others. : It is a ploy! All nature's ploy to make babies so cute. Women having their biological clocks ticking. Babies are so cute how can you resist them. You would love to have your oneself. Like a toy you saw at the supermarket only catch is you would not be able to return it to anyone if baby is yours.


2. Every parent is a perfect parent until they become one:  You would be scared to have this tiny creature who is totally dependent in you. You would have self doubt and on top of it you would have many advices from all the different sources. Never to take an advice from someone who hasn't had a child or who hasn't had it for a while. They are either inexperienced or too rusty.

3. It hurts a lot whether you are men or women :  Ofcourse women knows giving birth is painful to experience and yes there are medication but nobody tells you about pain after you have given birth. It hurts for a very long time even after giving birth depending on how good or bad your birth are. Your body has taken it's toll and it changes dramatically never looking back as you once had.You might think I am men I would be ok. Yes, when you carry your baby you do get kicked in your balls quiet a bit. It is hard to watch your partner suffer and it can scar men for life.


4. You deal with lot of shit :  When I started this blog and name came about becuase amount of shit I was dealing of my baby literally. It felt that's all I was doing while taking care of my baby. You are constantly dealing with poo, wee, cough, vomit,etc. Babies and Toddlers are violent creatures too. They kick, they hit and they scream and they shout. They are stubborn. You have to be calm in all this and that is a hard act to follow.

5. Two parents aren't enough: Even though it might seem that your parents mother and father bought you up just fine. I admire single mums and I also admire people who have more than one child. Two parents are just not enough to take care of a child as you would be sleep deprived for very long time and taking care of  your child constantly.  It takes a village to bring up a child however now as grandparents are living far or more and more us living in a smaller families it is difficult to find support which you require to raise a child.

6. Childcare can be extremely expensive: You wouldn't even trust anyone in the beginning to leave your child with anyone who provides childcare after scare of child abuse and child pronography. When you would finally trust you would realize it is extremely expensive. Even when you would start using them you would feel guilty whether you are spending enough time with your child.

7. You do not have life of your own : Unless you make it a point to create one.  Every waking minute your needs are put at back burner to put your child's need at first. Even if you are little selfish enough to take care of your needs you would always feel guilty. You keep worrying and you start talking about how your child has done something. Your thoughts are also about him.


8. You would be afraid of change and to take chances in life : It is no longer when you were young, single and free you could take your self anywhere without care or worry. Every decision to leave your child for a night, a day or fortnight has to be planned. You would be taking less challenges and wouldn't be willing to change your life dramatically as quick as possible. Your life would become routine because of your children. You would be afraid of minor to small changes which disrupt your life. Spontanity and quick decisions would soon be gone.


9. All your decisions will be damn if you do, damn if you don't :  So whether you should breastfeed or not, whether you should let them watch TV or not, whether you should let them sleep with you or not. There are no right or wrong answers. As there are really no parameters to figure out if you are good parent or not. However each of your decision would be questioned, criticized or make you wonder whether what you are doing is right or wrong.

10 It is thankless job : Nobody is going to pat you on your back or give you money for raising your own child. It is unpaid job with psychological, emotional and physically draining experience. It is like days going doing nothing but it goes very fast as well. The only thing is while you wait for your child to become 18 you are going to get old too.


Bonus: So why do it at all. Sorry if I have painted the bleak picture. I do not want to leave with what all parents say " It is extremely rewarding": That is biggest bull shit.
Truth is it is lot of hardwork and pain.

I guess most people do it because they are naive of work needed or shit going to be thrown at them. Some people can swim with same amount of problem while other can sink.

You are damned by nature it is what we do. Have children as it seems a logical thing to do after marriage. It is also sign of maturity and responsibility. I guess we do it for GROWTH.


P.S: Photo is of me and my son. It looks as if he is puking at me or I might look unhappy or stressed but I am happy cleaning his hands  ( it is my favourite thing to do ) and it also real picture of motherhood according to me.

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