"How to know if a relationship is just a Fling?"

This is a question that was asked to me when I was in a restaurant with other 3 Women and we were just discussing relationships.  This question has come again to me.

Their question was even harder than they wanted to know how can we know even before having sex? As these women didn't want to have a disappointing morning after sex.

I am going to write this article Before Having Sex and After Sex.

If sex or your virginity is important to you.

Before Having Sex: 

1. Where are you? : Are you in a Club dancing, Summer Holiday, Christmas Office Party, Nude Beach, University Campus, etc? Are you meeting someone on Tinder? ;-) Where you meet someone is important as there are places where having sex or being touchy-feely is sort of permitted or expected. Where booze and alcohol are flowing and it is just natural for people to have casual sex or get flirty.

2. Is it just hugely Physical? Intellectual? Personality?: They are coming on really strong physically and they basically would hit whatever moves. Or Whether they are genuinely interested. Do they have roaming eyes for others in the room when you are away? All they are interested to talking about their or your physical attributes.

3. Are you attracted to them enough?: Why are you there? Are you there because you are lonely or had nothing to do on Saturday night and you tagged along with your friends? Your person of interest are you interested in them? Would you be attracted to them in different circumstances like less drunk, less lonely or desperate? Are you attracted to them by how they look, how they talk, how they dress, etc? or their personality, their abilities, and their dreams?

4. Prolong your relationship:  If you are meeting online or in person - Is your talk more about sex and very focussed on telling you how many times they masturbate or they are really naughty and need whipping? If you were a booty call and you weren't satisfying them they would probably look for somebody. You might come across as a "tease" but better safe than sorry.

5. Can you say "No"?: Nothing is sometimes more attractive than saying NO. Would they be ok just hand-holding and just giving you a hug or a kiss? If you aren't feeling it and if you got up while having sex would they be ok? Are you feeling pressurized or able to tell them how it is?

6. Do you trust them enough to know they are clean? :  It would be impossible to know whether they have any disease but are you both ok with having sex with condoms? Your health is important and it would be impossible to know whether someone doesn't have any disease unless they bought their HIV-negative Certificate. 

7. Is this the person with whom you don't mind losing your virginity or having sex? : This is the most important million-dollar question.  The risk is that it can still all be a big drama for someone to get inside your pants or even if you had a short-term relationship once you had sex your situationship is over. What do you do? You can do nothing but you need to ask this question that is the person with whom you don't mind losing your virginity or having sex and remembering just like that?

After having Sex 

Some Men and Women find it useful to know that they are sexually compatible. To have sex in a relationship or even start with strong sex-focused doesn't always mean it is a fling. Because fling can sometimes turn into a relationship. Some of these answers are the same as Before having Sex.

1. Are they attracted to you enough? : Do they just see you as dead - meat or they are genuinely concerned about you? Are they attracted to you in different ways? Physically, Mentally, Spiritually and Intellectually.

2. How do you both communicate:  Do they ghost you or breadcrumb you? Or do you do the same thing?

Or do you talk to him when you are bored and lonely? You are talking to lots of different other suitors?

Is this person for you an option or "the one"? Do you both talk about the good, bad and worse? Are you both vulnerable open and honest?

3. Are they available?: This one is common sense! but sometimes so lost. People are sometimes in a relationship with a person- when they have a mistress... and mistress can be wife, partner, career, work or money, emotionally unavailable person, etc. To be in a relationship involves a person having an open heart and time availability.

4. Do they respect you?: Are they honest enough to tell you how they feel? Do they respect you and cherish your company rather than complaining? They are sort of proud of who you are.

5. Are you in a relationship like you want? :  In this modern world, a relationship can take many different shapes. Some are with benefits ;-). Some are rebound. Some are long-distance, Some are based on sex, Some are based on money, Some are just something on the side, etc. Do you both like the shape of your relationship taking place? Do you spend enough time with each other? Are you always complaining about what can't be changed?

6. Do you both have the same values?: Are you Republican and he is Democratic? He is a Soccer Fan and you are a Baseball Fan? Do you like Marmite or Peanut Jelly Butter? You get my drift...

Can you tolerate those differences? You don't have to be what they are but can you both agree to disagree?

The next one is very important for a successful relationship.

7. Do they inspire you and support your dreams?: Life is a journey in which you can go alone faster but when you are getting a company you are planning to go further. You are looking for a partner who is as chuffed as you are for all the things you do, want to do or achieve. When you have a conversation about your dreams they aren't there always there to bust your bubble but to help you to achieve those dreams along with you.

BONUS

8. Do you see the future with them?: I am not talking about on the first date you want to have someone's million kids or get married. But marriage and kids sort of conversation just happens naturally and without anyone being scared. It should never be problematic to think of  " What kind of Car or House they would like ?", "What kind of wedding you would like?"," Whether someone would be good as a Father or Mother, etc?"

Please do not read any further if you are going to watch this movie. I am writing for people who can't see the film and where it is banned. 

Spoiler Alert. Stop reading.

Go watch the film if you can. 

Are you sure you can't watch the movie?

Final Warning 

Synopsis

I saw lipstick under my Burkha in a private viewing in London. 

It is a story of 4 women 1 is a young teenager(Plabita Borthakur)and she wears a burkha she is from a conservative family and then she goes to college and wears jeans and takes part in protests to wear Jeans. She smokes, drinks and has a boyfriend ( Shashank Arora) She even steals a dress from a shop for which she gets caught because her boyfriend had pregnanted another girl who had to have an abortion.

The second story is about a girl who works in a beauty parlour girl ( Aahana Kumara) and is about to get married to an overly sweet nice boy ( Vaibbhav Tattwawdi ) because of pressure from her mother (Sonal Jha) ( her mother is also art model nude artist and she was going to get an apartment from her girl's fiance) but girl is in love with a Muslim boy( Vikrant Massey) who is a photographer and also taking photos of their engagement. Beauty Parlour Girl has sex with a photographer on the day of her engagement and takes a video of it. Her fiance is sweet and gives her lots of gifts and attention. She would have to live in a joint family and in a crowded place. Her mother knows about another guy who still wants her to get married to this fiance. She wants to run away to Delhi but then she doesn't because the muslim guy isn't ready. He gets jealous when she starts getting close to her fiance. Her fiance finds the video of her sex and confronts her. She is shown confused until the end.

The third woman is a Muslim woman ( Konkana Sen Sharma) married to a Muslim man ( Sushant Singh)

who used to work in Saudi and return after some time and always used to have unprotected sex with his wife which would cause her to abort and take pills. They have 3 children and they have lots of sex but he doesn't treat her right or even kiss her. She had a lot of pain but her husband won't wear a condom. The doctor also explains. She is a very ambitious and good saleswoman, gives speech and selling things but her husband doesn't know all this as she is afraid to tell him. She has been offered a job for a Sales Trainer. She finally realizes that her husband doesn't have a job until he instead goes every day to a cafe. He even has an affair with another woman. She sees a couple of times and then she follows woman who is having an affair with her husband and demonstrates some products. One of the products was for facial exercise and she basically offered from her mouth one to her. Affair woman says how can I take something which is from your mouth to my mouth? She then tells her I am the wife of her husband. The husband then punishes her still with sex and asks her not to try to be husband and remain wife.

The fourth woman  (Ratna Pathak) is also the owner of the building where they all live. She is old around 55 and the government asking them to leave the house as it is getting old. They are in Bhopal.  She goes swimming with the kids and the kid fools her that he is going to drown so she tries to save him but instead, she gets wet. She is Buaji and she forgets her own name until a very young and well-built instructor asks him what's her name. She goes to buy a swimming costume as she has been asked by this handsome swimming instructor to come for training. She is very shy and lies that the swimming costume is for some other girl. She lies that she is going to Satsang when actually she is going to swimming. She starts calling this handsome swimming instructor and they have phone sex. So when the swimming instructor thought that he was talking to a very young and beautiful woman called Rosy. Rosy was actually this old woman and he was very disappointed when he finally realizes that.  Buaji lived with other people and everyone came to know about her Mills and Boons Collection in Hindi even people living with her and asked to leave the building. They throw away all her stuff. 

Throughout the movie, there is also narration from Mills and Boons Hindi Version by Ratna Pathak. Devastated all 4 women sit together and only the last 3 pages are left and they realize that they all have dreams and have the courage to dream. It didn't matter whether they came true or not. 

My thoughts about the movie : 

It is the same sort of feeling felt by different women at different ages. 

Whether as a Teenager you aren't able to pursue college fully or your interests.

Whether as a Young Woman, you aren't able to decide whom to marry.

Whether as a Woman with children you aren't allowed to work or your spouse is cheating on you while you are taking care of children.

Whether as a Widow you aren't allowed to have any life apart from being religious and if you are still alive and kicking sexually there is something wrong with you.

Why did it get banned?

This is what Wikipedia says :

"The story is lady-oriented, their fantasy above life. There are contentious [sic] sexual scenes, abusive words, audio pornography and a bit sensitive touch about one particular section of society"

I personally feel the reason it got banned is because of the name "Lipstick under my Burkha"

I also do not think that it represents all of India. At all times we should remember that this is just a story in some small place. However, there is some reality in these stories but not all. 

Would "one particular section of society" (cough...Muslim/ Islamic) would be offended? I am not sure. It does bring up the issue of Burkha but there isn't much said apart from her general suffocation in not being able to be creative whether by singing or by exploring fashion. Women are expected to wear Burkha but whether one sees this as restrictive or not is subjective. The subject of Burkha/hijab gets discussed in Western Countries quite a lot. How somebody wearing it is seen as oppressive to women. However, if you watch the movie carefully underlying message is women are oppressed whether they are dressed in Burkha or not. One does realize that it has got nothing to do with the way they are dressed.

Another topic I felt that the movie's portrayal of a young woman's definition of freedom is equivalent to going to an audition, how she dresses, smokes, drinks and has a boyfriend could be a sort of behaviour not wanting to be encouraged in Indian Society. None of them are interlinked. 

Somebody wearing a saree doesn't define that she is morally good or has good character.

Somebody wearing trousers and a shirt tell that they are having many boyfriends.

Men were also portrayed in a lousy light. Indian Men are portrayed with horror of domestic violence, rape, etc. 

Why it shouldn't have been banned?

India is and has always been open about sex until it was colonized. We invented Kama Sutra. We don't want to talk about sex. Actions like this reaffirm that India is conservative and not ready for an Indian female voice. However, seeing several Bollywood Films I can confirm that Indian youth and society are ready for this sort of movie. Whatever was in the movie is happening in real life. There are lots of Western movies with a lot of nudity in cinemas and on prime-time TV in India.

It is very much acceptable to talk about Rape in India in a daytime television but not Female Sexuality which is indeed a shame.

It is a wonderful story of 4 women and it is funny and relatable to most women and would have been a good education for men.