1. Know or Judge what the other person needs: One of the key things to look at, if one doesn't become needy and clingy in the initial phase, is to be aware of how much you and your potential partner want to spend time together. That means having some sort of conversation directly or gradually observing your other half. Different people are different in terms of how much time they want to spend time together. It depends also lot on knowing where your relationship might be heading. Are you just a casual friend whom you are happy seeing once every 3 months? Are you more of a girlfriend and boyfriend who would like to spend time together initially to get to know each other? 

2. Know that your relationship will change:  Relationships can be like waves. Somebody would need more emotional support when they had a bad day at work, somebody died, got laid off, etc. While some people would like to spend more time when the crisis hits. Some would rather spend time alone. Relationships in the beginning can be like every waking moment I want to be with you to ok we have some trust and we are ok being a bit separate. Always see what other people want and listen to their needs.

3. Have a hobby, friends and life without that person:  It is very easy not to put someone on a pedestal if you have hit right off especially when you think that this person might be the One. Have a life without that person. Go for dinner or lunches alone or even in the Cinema. Yes alone. It might be boring but enjoying your own company is crucial. If you can't bear yourself how would others do? Also have different people in your life like friends, mentors, therapists, coaches and parents. Avoid one person to be everything of you. As you would be highly disappointed when you realise they aren't that great. It would also be very exhausting for them to be all of the people you need. 

4. Do not expect instant gratification:  People are busy despite it hardly takes a few minutes to answer a text. Some people find it very difficult to write a few things and sometimes get paralysed while communicating on apps, Twitter or Facebook. Wait for sufficient time before communicating again. Have a maximum number before you contact them. 

5. They aren't into you as much as you are: This is a hard truth sometimes you aren't their priority. Maybe it can be the wrong time in their life. They are just not that much into you. You can't please everyone. Sometimes people would not like someone for irrational reasons. You weren't tall enough, you reminded them of their ex....etc. There can be many reasons.

6. Don't take it personally: It can feel heartbreaking when anyone doesn't see you the same as you see them to be. Sometimes you hit it and both are the same wavelength and later it fizzles off. They realise something about you wasn't their value. They think they wouldn't fit in your world. You both are in different worlds. It is best to do as much to keep in touch but be detached from the outcome. 

This is our window.

After silent and yet not so silent support of my husband to REMAIN - In. He is convinced and has no doubt of his vote to remain in and against Brexit.  His Facebook Post talks about Remain in and EU Referendum more and more.

People who live in Spain says that Britain should exit Europe.
To which people in UK say " You have not lived in the country for 2 decades"  shouldn't have a say.

Unfortunately they do and I being from India have also say on Britain's Future. Many would be unhappy but then again, UK did make choices and sometimes brutal choices for the world.

I on the other end also know what I will be voting for despite it seemingly won't make any sense to my husband.Why? My reasons would be different than Conservative Right Wing.

I take this opportunity to make more sense. I am an Indian and I am married to Englishman and it can't get any more multi-cultured family with families living around the world and personally lived in quiet a few countries.


I hear from lot of liberal and good friends and family WHY and HOW Britain should just accept Multi-culturalism. To be honest after living 5 years on and off ( I know they aren't many but are enough to be British Citizen and I have done my time it feels) Britain and UK has multi-culturalism.

What makes me say that is because of following

- UK has people working and living from every country.
-  London is boiling point of Multi-Culturalism with restaurants, celebration of festival, shops full of exotic food and drinks.
- In the last 5 years of my stay nobody has told me on my face anything which makes me think it is racist.

One would wonder how Britain hasn't accepted or appreciated Multi -Culture.
However having Multi-Culture and accept Multi -Culture are 2 different things all together.

Why Britain shouldn't Brexit ?

There are million good reasons from not being isolated to currency value. To have relationship with other countries and it is good for trade and economics has proved this many times. No man is an island. We all thrive to have relationship. Britain knows this better than any other country.


Why Britain should Brexit ? on the other hand which I see. 

Control Immigration : Despite what I previously said about Britain being multi cultured has little to do with how many Immigrants should come and remain in UK.

Most debates on TV are about Immigration at it's most important reason to Brexit.

At the heart of Brexit and mainly UK coming out of EU has actually snowballed from people who want to control Immigration. How has it snowballed ? From years lower class and some middle class was unhappy about their jobs being taken by foreigners.They thought all countries like India or China weren't capped. It was soon found that rules were made stricter and stricter for Non -EU Nations however door was led open to EU. It had led to free movement within EU and which UK agreed to.
The number of UK people going  out in EU and people coming is nearly same or less than 2% of overall Europe's Population.

When everybody else in EU are happy with Free Movement. Why is it UK isn't ok with it ? This is a difficult question. Only people of UK can answer but it is not a big country geographically as other countries say like USA or Australia.

UK/ Great Britain has lost it's identity and sense of Patriotism : So many countries , so many traditions and so many cultures within one country due to Raj and conquering world has led to UK lost it's identity and confused on how to behave. It has led people to be socially awkward. Despite Great Britain had hoisted it's flag world over in the past but same patriotic feeling is missing currently within the country. British People should be able to hoist their flag, sing their national anthem and take pride in their country. However not to the point of previous form of arrogance. Some are even more patriotic towards their Football team but not to their country.

UK has lost role in the world :  I spoke to a very intelligent British lad who was studying for being a Doctor and made me realize how UK as a country feels it has retired. UK role during colonization had been amazing and can be seen as glorious yesteryears of a young man.
Role of UK as a country or truly United needs a some sort of agreement to disagreements. UK has been asked to sit down or go and relax like a retired old man who insists to do something.

Royal Family : Royal Family gets tourism and gives an identity world over.  Despite having Royal Family there has been always sense of somebody being better or your family social status becomes very relevant in the society. Huge amount of Britain exiting EU can bring back them in power or things might go as they were before.

Being Commoner: Britain still enjoys many perks from around the world over because of  glorious past and has a sense of superiority or confidence to over achieve. I can see why it would be difficult to be commoner and start re-negotiating trade practices, getting EU scholarship money, visa rules, etc.

Mystery and Uncertainity: Like Pandora Box, I am a woman who likes to open boxes of unknown and uncertainity but hope doesn't come cheap. Truth is that Brexit means in some ways RE- DOING conquering of world without exerting false power and RE-EARNING trust of others. The real question is that risk averse country like Britain would ever throw dart in dark. That remains to be seen. Ofcourse there are no plans or information on what exactly would happen after Britain exits except Nigel Farage UKIP and Borris Johnson would lead the country.

I already know the answer - NO. Britain would never leave EU.

Few lessons which Brexit or debate has really opened up isn't the question whether it is beneficiary for Britain to be in EU?

The real questions or lessons are -

1. Being aware of impact of Free Movement : People have genuine or not so genuine reasons to complaint. As every complaint should be heard if not understood or acted upon. There would be always people who wouldn't be happy with foreigners. Love of Foreign Culture and Diversity can only be instilled as a country and from very young age.

2. Being Humble :  Whether Britain should be given Special Status it has enjoyed from centuries. Britain always enjoy better living standards and whether their people should be still complaining about their life ? Being humble doesn't mean self-deprecating humour.

3. Being Open Minded : Instead of Xenophobia and not outwardly or just things like restaurats and celebrations. To be truly open minded one needs to inwardly accept differences in society and most people struggle to live in diversity in Britain. Once again open minded doesn't mean nosy but it means

Are you giving same opportunity as others ?
Are you less biased ?
Are you looking for similarity in relationship or looking for various range of people ?
Do you only stick with people who talk like you or walk like you ?
Or You have multiple nationality friends in your circle but you still feel you are superior or better than them ?

It is a challenge that one doesn't want to change it's core values and yet appreciate others differences.
I think that is where Britain is. They tolerate difference but aren't able to truly ENJOY differences.
It is hard for whole generation and whole as country to enjoy diversity.

4. Genuine Friendliness to Foreigners : This is unseen where somebody would go out of their way to help foreigners. Forget help but just generally talking to each other is painful sometimes when talking to natives of  UK. As to help somebody truly one has to like them and there is still debate on whether Britain likes Foreigners or not. Genuine care and friendliness to foreigners is far away as Britain as a country are reserved which seems as an excuse.

5. Real UK : Behind PRO - UK news and media, outside UK world never hears about real problems UK are facing. To be isolated might not be answer to figure out Real UK but blaming immigration to all your problems isn't an answer.If NHS , Education System and infrastructure is being in stress maybe it is time to rebuilt some old to new. Rich and Poor are everywhere just some country have it openly whereas in Britain they are hidden in council homes.

Britain needs to know it's core values, traditions and culture before it interacts with the whole world. In short, Britain needs to get their act together and solve their internal problem and that is why I suggest Brexit.

Who says Brexit has to be permanent solution.  Perhaps Brexit might not long term but a short term - few gap years or decades for this very old student would be great !!!

6. Friendly and Spiritual Britian: Country which is a financial capital of the world where material wealth is accumulated and people are valued based on their ability to make money. I wonder what would Friendly and Spiritual Britain look like ?  Is world ready for Britain look like that? A country where Religion has taken back seat and most people are member of "Church of England" who doesn't practice their religion.

 There are too many painful moments and there are too many things done wrong and despite feeling associate guilt. Would Britain come out of their high horses of Queens and Kings and be equal to not so rich countries. Britain past is harshest and some countries are poor and they can say " Sorry we do not loot world over to be rich".

The real question is - Has Britain done enough good for world after doing so many bad things ?
Judgement should be passed not by world but by British people itself ?

Vote to Remain but there are always options to Remain Out but more importantly to do some Soul Searching for Britain's way forward and future.  

You are one of this people who have been dreaming to come to UK.

You have hear about how great their universities are, rich culture, you have hear all about Queen , Prince, Kate Middleton, how diverse population are, how value of pound is amazing, the society is liberal and you have freedom of speech. It all just sounds so amazing !!!


If you have finished dreaming and admiring about UK. I have your bubble to bust and I hate to do that but I feel somebody has to tell you truth. Here are some tips  and suggestions before you come:


1)  Assess your needs and who  you are : Why do you want to come to UK ? How long ?

 Yes, who are YOU and what do you want to achieve or why you want to come to UK?

Are you somebody just want to leave country because you are tired of working somewhere, you have money problems or you are looking for better people around you ? Are you dreaming of a place where you would have to work less and  UK Government would take care of you.

So,when you would look at UK Immigration Website you would see that options and questions goes something like this.....https://www.gov.uk/check-uk-visa

Are you somebody
-  you just want to study
- you just want to do business
- you are coming on working holiday
- you just want to visit
- you are highly skilled person and want to come to get a job
- you are an entrepreneur
- who is living in a country who has a life and death danger in your country ?

What you would do is that basically try to think of one of this ways do it short time and then still try to become citizen in UK. Something you would work it out to live UK long term.

What you would really miss is having an option which would help you achieve your dream of  work less and earn more, right ? For majority people, UK isn't that place and I hate to disappoint you but you would soon realize why ? Please see below.

True reason to come to UK should be to broaden your horizon and to learn.

2) Think Money : If you are coming to visit and study you are definitely going to help UK Economy by spending money.

 If you are coming as an Aupair, just do not come unless you are happy to be slave.You are going to be paid  peanuts.

If you think you are smarter by coming as an Employee or Entrepreneur  Think Money : Not how much you are going to EARN but how much you are going to SPEND.
Yes, were you thinking that you are going to earn money once you come here.Perhaps lots of money.
Does UK and ££££ sign go ding ding up in your head ? I am sure it does.

Problem is that pound is powerful - much powerful currency than most of the world.

In the beginning you would spend money to live, eat and just survive.

To find a job at least 3-6 Months.

To establish as a business as long as it makes money and it could be anywhere between 6 Months to 6 Years depending who you are and what is your business. Expect things to be at snail pace and have lots of contingency plan and money.

All estimates are depending on your lifestyle but they are for PER PERSON.

i) Air flight or any transport mode to come to UK  (Depending where you are coming from ? )
£££

ii) Visa ££ - ££££ 
 ( For Asylum Seekers you are perhaps paying somebody who is taking you to UK Borders )
Please check  https://www.gov.uk/visa-fees

iii) Accommodate yourself  until you find a job or establish your business.  £70/ week OR 
£400/month
Depending where you going to live and with whom whether it is friends and family, somebody with whom you are couch surfing,etc. but truth is London is expensive and every inch , sq ft is a prime property which isn't cheap and if your family and friends letting you live there then they are missing out on a big rent so you better be useful to them or do not overstay so that they aren't losing out on that prime money. But just to give you an idea of what property rents could be. http://www.rightmove.co.uk/ and also https://www.gumtree.com/. You would have to pay deposit for sometimes very small rooms and shared rooms . Shared rooms are basically bunk beds and you have a place to keep your head and some stuff. You get to use communal toilet and kitchen. Shared Rooms prices can start from £70/ week to  £500/week. Note : Not for full room. So if you are private person or have lived in spacious places before and can not afford to spend more you would end up in a room where others would know all your business.  

iv) Eat & Drink   ( Buy at Supermarket and cook everyday and celebratory bottle of alcohol)              £ 30/week OR £150 / month 

v) Mobile Phone ( You can have monthly plans for £10 - £30 / month)

vi) Entertainment ( Going once to a pub/ club - only one drink and some food or a movie and popcorn)  £20 /week   OR £100/month

viii) Public Transport ( Depending where you live but London Public Transport daily pass is £8 when you have Oyster Card https://oyster.tfl.gov.uk/oyster/entry.do )  £240/month
You can save some money by getting a monthly pass or annual pass if you are going to live long.

All in all for 1 person to live they would require £1000/month and that is just about living a very basic life.

Expenses = Minimum £12000 /year

You live in a small/ shared room, cook food for yourself, you are connected by mobile/ internet and you travel to and fro to your work.

 So now let us look at job market and how you are going to make those £££ which you were dreaming about. As explained by a Bar chart in a documentary called "How Rich are you?" 


Per annum salaries

25% makes less than Minimum Wage

£6.50 for 40 Hours Week for them Minimum Wage would be £13,520

£20300 is Average Salary

Waiters £7654 - 1%

Shop Assistant  £9262 - 6%

Traffic Warden £18,065 - 47%

Teachers £32547 - 70%

GPs £103000 - 97%

To be in Top 1 % one should be earning £147,000

Firstly people who live below Minimum Wage is appalling 25% and people earning less money has increased. 
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-23953573


Taxes 
All the salary mentioned is taxable.

 Tax rates in UK are as follows : Rate of 20% - 45%

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/rates-and-allowances-income-tax/income-tax-rates-and-allowances-current-and-past

 You also make National Insurance Contribution.
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/rates-and-allowances-national-insurance-contributions/rates-and-allowances-national-insurance-contributions

So let us look at what an average person who is making average salary saves. Gross Pay £20300 is Average Salary. Total Deduction of £3408 and your take home pay Net pay would be £16891

Average Potential Saving = Net Pay - Expenses  

£ 16891 - £ 12000 = £4891

However if you intend to live longer in UK in first 6 -7 years you would also be spending money on Visas/ Immigration Fees. If you are hiring a Lawyer then you are getting further charged for it.

You could be spending anywhere between £500 - £3000 for your next application. 

You might keep some money for Emergency if you don't have Health Insurance of ability to use NHS. 

If your motivation was to help your family while you are in UK then you wouldn't be able to send lots of money. 

You might think that UK is a place where you would make more money but in truth you would like to have more money and what you actually need is where you would have more buying power. 

Perhaps you have that much required money or you have got higher paying job and you are still keen to come to UK or you are planning to take a gamble that is great !


3)  Free Money : Your initial vision to come to UK was to get free money,maybe? Benefit system which you think they give you lot of money. It depends whether you have any Self - Respect to be in another country and be a bum. If you are talented, literate and have studied hard have some interests/ hobbies then you wouldn't be happy as you go through life of without respect.

Benefit System isn't so easy for Non- EU but it is bit easier for EU Citizen to navigate however once again money you would be given for Job Seeker allowance, Income Support or Housing Benefits doesn't guarantee rich life as your friends or family envision while you are in UK. More on how to claim benefits. https://www.gov.uk/browse/benefits/entitlement

 Please note : No benefits or no course to public recourse is mostly given to anyone even in time of trouble unless you hold Indefinte Leave to Remain.  You can apply here to settle and see the eligibility criteria.
https://www.gov.uk/settle-in-the-uk

4) Visa Woes : 

What would you like to do whether you come short time to visit as a tourist ?
You can very easily get your hotel booked, flights , accommodation and have enough money to come to UK. You would be happy to visit various tourist sites and spend money and that is great !!!  as you are genuinely in love of UK Culture, History, Art and Politics. There is really lots to do.

It isn't advisable to live in UK as an illegal immigrant as they sometimes do random checks in areas where they have immigrants or when they receive tip from somebody.

For Asylum Seekers hardest part is getting inside the country and get right to work whereas
people who have already got entrance find difficult part is right to work. The problem is that facilities asylum seekers live in isn't very good. They are asked to repeat their stories several times to the point when they stop believing themselves. They are asked to move several times.

However whether it is short or short- long term of visas where it becomes much more difficult.

You would have lots to worry if you want to live in UK from short-long term. Like any country UK would like you to return at the end of  visa granted.

As a Student ?
Once again there are best of universities in UK and you would be able to study.

However depending on your course and ability to find jobs who would sponsor you would be rare. It isn't impossible but most British Employer wouldn't be able to prove that you are in scarcity.
You can have following routes after your Student Visa.
http://www.1st4immigration.com/whats-next-after-tier-4.php

Working Holidaymaker which is 2 years visa and I feel if you are one of those people who are happy to leave the country after you have stayed for the length of your visa you would still have friends and ambitions to be in UK longer. However it wouldn't be possible if you met somebody exciting as you would find Marriage Visa has it's own sets of restrictions. Are you going to fall in love with checking nationality of person ?

It isn't impossible to get Marriage Visa however it would just require for you to wait for 4 years to get Indefinite Leave to Remain and then Citizenship.

If you are EU Citizen your life would be easier than a UK Citizen in terms of bringing a Spouse to UK. You wouldn't have to show amount of money you earn and so forth.


5) Lifestyle :  If you have really worked out that you want to live long term and are happy to work 40+ hours a week, commute for 1-2 hours, earn and pay 20% -45% tax  and live in a small/ shared room with occasional ability to  eat out or be entertained. If that is your dream then you have nailed it!  and UK is perfect for you.
While you would be working you wouldn't be able to go to a Bank or make a phone call, you would miss out on good weather in summer and daylight in winter.

Friends and Family  :You may find it very easy to make friends or may not find very easy to make friends in London as there is lots and lots of people coming and going. There are very few White British living in London. London is most diverse and you would be able to enjoy different festival, food,music and cuisine or you can start your own group and built your support network. However you would struggle to find time to nurture relationship with others sometime. You would have to be extremely patient as it wouldn't happen overnight.

You would find difficult to bring your parents to come and live with you as visa regulations wouldn't let you. Even if you did do you have means and time to support them while they are here.

Buying a house and putting roots : If you want to live in London where opportunities are then  then you would need a deposit of minimum £15000 with mortgage payment of £1250 per month. This is not affordable for majority of people. However if you are happy to live somewhere in a small town or village in UK however this number can come down to 1/3.

Respect : At the end of it there are several people who want to come to UK and live. So unless you are bringing something unique you are one in the million. Here you wouldn't be seen as some sort of god for being different. People do not pay each other any compliment.  In fact, difference in you would be laughed at or abhor. As despite it is individual society it is still very oppressive in terms of you trying to be different or even climb out of class you are born in. It becomes more uphill battle.


Health : If you are coming from Non EU Citizen then you wouldn't have any health benefits apart from Emergency until you become Indefinite Leave to Remain when you would be able to use NHS.
If you came on HSMP then you would have to pay for  using

5) People :   In UK, there is no racism at workplace or anything would make you think there is. Just nobody would realize that in UK there is class system.There are lots of rules : Some are spoken, some are unspoken. However very recently parties like UKIP and xenophobic media which very anti-immigration. There are also new extremist groups and organizations who feels vulnerable and unable to cope with diversity in the country. 

6) Keep yourself safe in times of trouble : Even though UK Media likes to portray outside UK as one of the best places to live. They also make believe everyone who lives within the country the same.

So For example when there is a Tube/ Underground strike - they would have Indian trains program to say look
When it comes to Domestic Violence or Women's Voting Rights - they would always show how some country like Saudi Arabia doesn't have rights.

However it doesn't make - that UK is safest place and not without their share of problem.  Just because problem isn't as severe as other countries doesn't mean that there are no problems.

Women are still under paid than Men.
UK children and care homes aren't perfect and some individual do go from abuse to abuse.
They do have budget cuts on Child Benefits, Departments who work with Asylum Seekers, Immigrants or Children who are Homeless.

Please have your Embassy No. with you however do not expect any

Ambulance: 999 or 112

Fire: 999 or 112

Police:  999 or 112

Gas emergency: 0800 111 999

NHS Direct (24 hour health helpline): 0845 4647

Even though Charities in UK they struggle, some of the time perhaps some charities can help. 

Talk to Somebody
www.samaritans.org/

Homelessness
www.shelter.org.uk
www.crisis.org.uk/
www.homelesslondon.org/

Domestic Violence
www.refuge.org.uk/
www.womensaid.org.uk/

 Domestic Violence For Men 
new.mankind.org.uk/ 

Children and Young People
https://www.childline.org.uk

Children and Parents 
http://www.home-start.org.uk/