Do not enter any relationship until you know this ?

I was once told that you meet people for  " reason, season and lifetime" when I was heartbroken as I had to leave.Been on both the sides of scale heart broken and heart breaker I feel this might be a rough guideline to just have realistic healthy relationship.

Know Thyself : It is so much important to be knowing our true self.
It involves knowing oneself : Do you like what you see?
What are your needs ? What are you willing to give/sacrifice? What are your limits without being doormat or pushover.

But problem arise when we do not have time to ponder in such powerful questions. Unlike in India where isolation is encouraged for self awareness. Western Culture advises discourage isolation of any form. Only recently meditation and mindfulness has been encouraged and even that is looked down by skeptics.

Ask yourself whether you want Relationship in question : There are few relationship which just get pushed on you " We are related because we are born in some family" or "We are related to somebody" or some stupid norm expects us to have that relationship.


Relationship Name : I am sure some relationships just fit into easily which are governed by society roles. Whereas some are when people say " It is complicated " what they really mean and that is far simple that they just don't know where relationship is or where they want to go with it.
Do you need to name it ? Maybe Name it and Shame it or sometime those synergies are better left as they are. Sometimes there are people in our life placed and maybe they are Duds or Aces depending on time you see them.

Relationship Values: Despite we all think everybody is similar and at the end we all want love, happiness and peace but how we achieve this is very different. It is very essential that are values somehow match or we are at least able to respect each other values.

Relationship Vision / Shared Vision : Most times  relationship which has gone bad or fizzle out needs a vision or shared vision. Sometimes those vision comes naturally and other times it is far difficult. Even if they are there might not be enough trust to carry out those visions.


Relationship Expectations / Negotiations : Sometimes I have been baffled with some people expectation and when I have expected same they have washed their hands and walk away.  However most annoying is when people say we expect moon and stars. We want you to jump every time and you should say " How high?" and if I was going to ask same of them they wouldn't. I am really cool not to have any expectations provided if people do not expect things from me. Sometimes they do not understand " I do not expect " from people I know who aren't capable of.

Relationship Environment : Sometimes some people including myself have done very little to make person comfortable and have asked for more. Respecting their values, culture, their lifestyle, the things they take pride in and so forth is a huge priority. Perhaps we haven't given space to be rather than we have tried to change and force our ideals.

Relationship Illusion / Disillusion Time : Some relationship really start with good intentions however reality and circumstances aren't always kind. As above Mac Burger does really look like that when taken care,under right light and in a studio with careful hands but not when it is served on McDonald while it has been just tossed around by not so clean hands.

However it is essential for a person to dream and have those illusion , goals or dreams or we wouldn't even start our work. However Reality do disillusion us and tells us when things aren't going right.

Relationship v/s Personal Boundaries : If one thing I have ever learnt from all relationship is you tell people how you want to be loved and respected in any relationship . As even though it might not feel that you have say but "ball is always in your court"

Sometimes we do not know what our personal boundaries or limitations are. One of the hard thing to do is be honest about those limitation to ourselves. Even harder than that is to communicate to others your limitation. What something is acceptable may not be acceptable to others. What is acceptable to us may not be acceptable to them.

Manage Mis-managed Expectation : That comes to next point is manage expectations. Even though this is about marriage and family this video  is great about having realistic expectation both of yours and other people who are involved in relationship.



Relationship Vision Communication : Some people want to communicate all the time whereas some people are happy communicating in 1  burst of energy. Some relationships are ok after talking daily, weekly,3 Months, 6 Months, 2 years, 10 years as really not much has changed. However more important is to communicate that shared vision of long term or even short term. We all communicate so differently too. Some people just love to meet face to face, Skype or hear somebody's voice and some would just hate doing that. Same person want to communicate differently with different people as they realize where you stand in their social circle.

People Change Can Relationship Change :  Most of the time we are really not good at looking at other people in a new light. Why ? Please look at this video. Sorry this video isn't in English but really funny !!!
1)  We are supposed to maintain our old roles and old characters.
2)  We are always behind/ ahead of somebody if we compare on different parts of our life and when we change people around us get unsettled as somehow we kind of moved their social structure.
3) Sometimes we are already ticking like a time bomb just raring to go/explode.

True relationships or perhaps lasting relationship somehow go through changes and people in relationship still come out strong.
There is no shame if they do not as long as there  is peace in knowing that we are 2 parallel lines which path would never cross.

Sweet Spot of Relationship :  You are whole and when one has done all the work in themselves
been comfortable with themselves and only then they are really ready for being in that sweet spot of relationship.